im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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