Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
