you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
