I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
ttyl tear gas
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
