his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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