I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
