I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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