my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
