One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize