I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
