if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
