guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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