i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
