I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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