Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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