So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
