ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
