You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
