I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
