It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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