I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
