I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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