So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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