not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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