mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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