I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
