I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
