he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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