Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
