I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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