I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
