Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
