I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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