I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
