Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
