Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
