Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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