Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
