Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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