everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
