does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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