Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
