Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
