absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
