I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
