Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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