i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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