Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Screwed.edu
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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