ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
