Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
