Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
