I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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