She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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