I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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