Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
