Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
they need to just BURY HIM!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
40s are totally the cure
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
