I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
