That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
