I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
