The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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