I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
