I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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