remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
