Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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