Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
