I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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