I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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