No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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