R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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