I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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