I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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