I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
