I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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