Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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