there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ttyl tear gas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
