Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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