btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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